Nicole Kidman, 57, shares emotional struggles with mortality and marriage to Keith Urban.
The acclaimed actress opened up about her deepening reflections on life and loss in a recent interview with GQ. She admitted that thoughts of her mortality often leave her "crying and gasping" in the middle of the night.
"Mortality, connection, life hitting you—it's overwhelming," Kidman shared. "Losing parents, raising children, navigating marriage—all these experiences make you feel deeply. And I'm in it, fully in it."
Kidman described her current stage of life as "a journey," where emotions are more raw than ever. She reflected on her father Antony Kidman’s passing in 2014 and the recent loss of her mother, Janelle Ann Kidman, in September at 84.
"There’s a heaviness when you confront mortality," Kidman said. "Raising children especially makes you think, ‘I need to be here for all of this.’ It’s devastating, beautiful, and extraordinary all at once."
The loss of her mother struck during a high moment in her career. Kidman had to leave the Venice Film Festival, where she was set to accept the Volpi Cup for Best Actress for Babygirl, to grieve with her family. In her absence, director Halina Reijn accepted the award on her behalf, reading Kidman’s heartfelt tribute to her mother.
“She shaped me, guided me, and made me who I am,” Kidman wrote. "The collision of life and art is heartbreaking, and my heart is broken."
Throughout it all, Kidman says she’s committed to feeling everything fully, embracing the beauty and the pain of life. “It’s a wake-up-at-3-a.m.-crying-and-gasping kind of thing,” she admitted. “But I’m here for it."
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